I did not have an easy and carefree childhood. I suspect most people didn’t. My parents married very young and both came from very dysfunctional back rounds. I was conceived within 5 days of their marriage and they were ill equipped to handle the challenges of parenthood. My father had a drinking issue and my mother is bi-polar as well as struggles with maintaining healthy relationships.
When I entered adulthood I brought a good number of scars forward. One of which was a protective shield that held people at a distance. Because of the lack of security I felt growing up this was the most important quality I needed in my future mate. Therefore, I put passion aside and opted for a responsible, stable individual. It wasn’t wrong, it just was. His scars focused on needing a very strong partner to always be by his side no matter what happened. God brought us together. There were struggles, growing pains and deep understanding of who each of us truly was inside and what we needed going forward.
In my 20s and 30s I wondered what might have been had I been given stable, mature and, nurtured parents. I longed for that type of relationship with my mother. It never came. Once I hit my 40s and now my 50s I realize had I been given the parent I longed for and wanted I would not have necessarily been the tower of strength my husband needed in his life and the person I needed to be to successfully raise my own daughter and break the generational cycle.
I have done a great deal of healing and nurturing myself through the years and I have become a much softer and approachable person. I can cry more easily both from happiness and sadness and I don’t feel the need to be on guard with my emotions. I like nurturing and helping people. It gives me great pleasure when a friend tells me I have touched them or changed their lives. Because the truth be told, they have changed mine as well.
I celebrate the parents I was given because of the issues needing to be overcome I grew as a person and they taught me what I didn’t want. They are good people struggling with their own scars. They were just not successful in overcoming most of them. They helped mold me into the person I am today and without these two people I could not have touched the people in my life in the way that I have.
So you see God always has a plan. We don’t know what it is, but we just need to give up the expectation of knowing why. We only need to know it is supposed be. I needed these parents to grow. Think about your own parents. What did you learn and how did the relationship both good and bad mold you?