To say my husband was not home a lot was an understatement. He was always out working a part-time job or volunteering with the local fire department. Two years after our daughter was born I decided to leave because I spent most of my days alone. Then my father died and I could not divorce my husband and bury my father at the same time. I still loved my husband, I was just lonely. We talked and agreed to go to counseling. Well, I went to counseling. He was too busy to go. However, staying with him was one of the best decisions I made. Not that we did not have issues. All couples will have issues from time to time. But, what I discovered about myself is when I made a list of his good qualities they outweighed his shortcomings. I also discovered I too had issues and healing I needed to do separate from him. Looking to another person to fulfill you is not only not healthy, but too much of a burden to place on anyone. I had to heal myself and no one could do that for me.
I found when I focused on loving him and being there for him I was happier. When I focused on me and my ego, not so happy. Over time I knew I was the keeper of his heart. The reason he was able to be the person he was for our community and friends is because he always knew I was waiting with open arms to make him feel safe and loved. This was the greatest gift I could give him. This was never so apparent then at his funeral. The amount of people attending this event was overwhelming. It was only then I truly realized God brought us together because he knew I was strong enough to stay and to understand who this man really was.
I believe the reason I have been able to move forward and heal is because I have no regrets and I know when he died he was happy doing what he enjoyed and knowing he was loved at home. How many people can say that.
I have been lucky enough to discover love again. But this time because I have allowed myself to truly open my heart it feels better than ever. The lesson, if you open yourself and look to giving to another what you need will always come back to you.