After my husband passed away his personal belongings arrived home from Bonaire. One of the items in his bag was his fanny pack and his wallet. Over the next few years I was able to part with most of his personal belongings as most held memories for him and they were only important to him. The one item I have not been able to part with is his fanny pack and wallet.
His wallet is neatly tucked away in a dresser drawer. I rarely feel the need to take it out and view the items of his last day. His wallet is a time capsule as all the important papers and cards he carried have now expired. As most people, he carried a driver’s license, credit cards and even a picture of me and our daughter when we went to Hawaii in 2005. Except for one framed picture of him in our guest room I do not have any other reminders of him throughout our home. But that wallet I am not sure I will ever be able to part with.
Last week I found myself taking it out to reminisce of our time together. I sat with my thoughts and wondered why this wallet is so important to me. I began to realize it is important because it represents the last days of his life. The days I was not able to share with him. His wallet reminds me of his importance in my past and how much I have grown and learned since his death. By holding his wallet and looking at his picture on his license it brings me peace and allows emotions to surface that still need to heal from time to time. In essence his wallet is a vehicle to my healing.
At the end of our lives things are never important as we leave them behind. But some items become important to those left behind. The wallet was never important to me when he was alive, but this item has great significance in my quest to move forward with my life. The wallet does not stop me from living a full life it just reminds me I have always had one even if I did not appreciate it as much as I should have.